Frequently Asked Questions
Got Questions?
Answers to common questions about attending, registration, privacy, and what happens in the room.
About BATE
Is this a gay event?
No — BATE: Raleigh welcomes men of all orientations. Gay, straight, bi, married, single, curious. What unites us is a shared appreciation for social masturbation, not a label. Read more in our blog post, Straight, Curious, and Looking to Stroke?
Are women allowed? Can my wife or partner join?
No. BATE: Raleigh is a men-only club. Every attendee must be 21 or older and identify as male (cisgender and transgender men are welcome). Married and partnered men are welcome, but a wife or partner can only attend if they meet the same requirements. See who can attend on our About page.
Who usually attends? What's the average age?
The men of BATE: Raleigh are as diverse as Raleigh itself — gay, straight, bisexual, married, single, first-timers, and longtime members. Different ages, races, body types, and backgrounds.
Attendees range from their 20s to their 60s. Ages vary from session to session, and Morning Network sessions tend to draw an older crowd. Everyone is 21 or older.
How many people attend?
It varies by event. Lately, Evening Network sessions have been drawing about 25 or more guys, and Morning Network sessions about 10 or more. Our biggest so far: 38 guys at an evening session and 19 at a morning session. Each event has a set number of spots, and every listing on the Events page shows how many have registered.
What if it's my first time?
First-timers are always welcome. Nerves are normal. The room is welcoming, the rules are clear, and nobody will pressure you into anything. Many of our regulars started exactly where you are. Read What to Expect for a step-by-step guide.
What's the difference between the Network events?
Evening, Morning, and Weekend Network events are BATE sessions. The Social Network is a casual, clothed get-together, usually at a local bar, and perfect for first-timers. See event types.
Registration & Payment
Is there a cost? How can I pay?
Yes, there is a cost to attend BATE: Raleigh sessions.
Registration is required. Online payment is optional. Your spot is reserved when you register, regardless of which payment method you choose.
Early Bator – $20
Available until 5 days before the event.
Paid online at registration.Late Stroker – $25
Opens after Early Bator pricing ends and remains available until registration closes.
Paid online at registration.Bate at the Door – $30
Register in advance and choose to pay at the door. Cash or card accepted.
Social Network events use a Social Pass. See each event's price on the Events page.
What happens if I can't make it?
If you paid online and can't make it, cancel your registration before the event starts (or message us) and we'll issue an event credit toward a future registration — no refunds.
No-show policy (mainly for Bate at the Door): if you chose to pay at the door and don't show up or cancel, your 1st consecutive no-show gets a friendly reminder. After a 2nd consecutive no-show, Bate at the Door is suspended until you attend two events in a row — you'll need to prepay online in the meantime.
Just keep us in the loop if your plans change — it helps us offer your spot to someone else.
What is the Bro Portal?
The Bro Portal is for attendees who have registered for an event. Use it to manage your account.
Location & Privacy
Is the location kept private?
Yes. You'll receive the general location when you register, and the exact address is sent to registered attendees approximately one hour before the session starts. Discretion is a core value of our community.
Where are the events held?
Sessions are held at a local hotel in the RDU area unless stated otherwise.
Social Network events are usually held at a local bar.
Do I provide my information? Can I join anonymously?
We respect your privacy. Some basic information is required to join, but it is kept confidential and only shared if legally required. Complete anonymity is not possible.
Arrival
What happens when I arrive?
Arrive at the posted start time — not before — and no later than 30 minutes after. You'll check in discreetly — no hotel desk interactions.
Have these ready: your ID (21+ required), your registration QR code, and your payment if you chose Bate at the Door.
You'll receive a numbered wristband and a bag for your belongings that stays secure until you leave.
Do I need to bring my own bag?
No. You'll receive a numbered bag for your clothing and belongings at check-in. Please keep big bags and backpacks in your vehicle, as they take up too much space in the room.
In the Room
Do I have to get naked?
Most guys prefer to go nude, but it's not required. If you'd rather keep something on, there's a minimum: strip down to at least one article of clothing — t-shirt, jockstrap, or underwear. You move at your own pace.
Do I have to play with others?
No, you are not required to play with or touch anyone at the event. You get to decide who, if anyone, to be you playmate.
Can I just watch?
Absolutely. Some men prefer to observe. There's no expectation to participate in anything you're not comfortable with. Watching and being watched is all part of the experience.
Do you play porn during sessions?
No, we don't currently play porn during sessions. Read why in our blog post, From Distraction to Connection: Why We Ditched the Porn.
Do I have to stay the entire time?
No, you are not required to stay at the event the entire time.
Are we allowed to suck or fuck at the events?
No! Fucking and sucking is not allowed, this will be a violation to the BATE: Raleigh Code of Conduct.
Do I need to bring my own lube?
BATE: Raleigh provides lube (coconut oil), along with mouthwash or mouth rinse, hand soap, towels, and mints or candy. You are welcome to bring your own lube if you like.